Louis vs. Rick • Episode 14: Happy Birthday, Margot Burgess

14: Happy Birthday, Margot Burgess

12:46 PM

rick

What's up

hi rick

haaaaaaaappy caturday

lol get it

No.

ok well see its like saturday

but instead of sat

I was kidding, I get it.

pretty funny right

i made it up

i know a whole Internet's worth of people who might argue with that

which part

both.

rude

1:23 PM

rick

what

why are you at work today anyway

Remember what happened earlier this week?

go on

When you freaked out and I had to come home.

can you be more specific

The incident with the toilet.

refresh my memory

Lou. You flooded my bathroom. Do you seriously not remember this?

oh that

sure i remember that

what i dont remember is thanking you for rescuing sgt mcfuzzies

and mr beaniebutt

and happy carrot

and mrs beaniebutt

so thank you rick

though i cant seem to find any of them now

I'm sure they'll turn up. Anyway

To deal with the half-inch of water running down my hall

I had to make another trade with my boss to come in to work on the weekend.

really

you should work on your bargaining skills rick

or let me do it

i could have that guy asking you to go home

I don't doubt it.

so when will you be back

Hopefully in the next couple of hours.

2:49 PM

rick

Lou, what the hell just happened

rick you gotta see this man

there are police cars and fire trucks in the street

So I've heard, the neighbor just called

oh yeah which one

Funny enough, it was Mr. Burgess, from the house across the street

The one with all of the emergency vehicles in front of it

what a coincidence

so how is he anyway

we never hang out

nice guy

weird dog though

He's angry, Lou. I think you know why.

the sirens probably

very annoying

No, he seems pretty upset about his daughter's birthday party being ruined

oh no what happened

You know what happened! You were there!

no no i must have left before that

everything was pretty awesome when i was there

Not from what I heard.

hmmmm

no pretty sure it was great

rick they had a pony

a pony rick

and a petting zoo

rick they had a magician

super cool rick

Sounds terrific.

oh and cake of course

Let's start with that pony.

dont hire that pony

cute but very jumpy

he went nuts and busted through their fence

So I heard.

Do you think maybe the pony only became jumpy when you attacked it?

first of all im not interested in philosophical dead ends

second

attack is an unfair word

i was grooming him

its a thing

Apparently you were hanging upside down from his neck

right

This is grooming?

if you do it right it is

i am nothing if not thorough

And the part after that?

very thorough

Moving on: is there anything you need to tell me about the petting zoo?

it was wonderful

adorable

And...?

thats all

Are you sure there wasn't an incident, perhaps involving a goat

hmmm no i dont remember a goat

or a sheep

I didn't ask you about the sheep yet.

well i dont remember one

And you don't remember opening the gate.

nope

And you don't remember chasing a goat and a sheep out of the pen and into the Burgess house.

seems like id remember that

And you don't remember herding them around the kitchen on a terrified rampage that ended with them both diseappearing through the front door covered in a variety of beverages and dips.

if i did remember that

which i do not

i have to think the screaming people had more to do with that

and herding would be the wrong word

at the time i was playing just dance on the xbox with the kids

You can't just go hang out in other peoples' houses, Lou

i was made for loooovin lou baaaby

lou was made for loooovin meeeee

So whatever happened after they got into the house is somehow not your fault.

were talking about pretty dumb animals here rick

I'll say.

i dont think i like your tone

Next item on the agenda

It sounds like maybe we owe a magician and the parents of fifteen children an apology as well.

for what

There was something about a rabbit?

i dont see what that has to do with me

I don't know, all anyone saw was you leaping out of a hat

followed by the magician cursing like a sailor in three different languages, packing up his things, and storming out

woah woah woah

i did that man a favor

and in fact i think we all learned a powerful lesson about whether bunnies should have chickens as pets

Wait, what?

im just saying that guy isnt blameless here

just think how his bunny felt

or the chicken i guess

yeah

mostly the chicken

I don't understand.

maybe dont get into it

Right. Moving on to the cake.

ok hold up

i know what youre thinking and the fire trucks werent because of me

Why don't you explain to me what happened then.

so this bald guy set the cake on fire right

Probably Mr. Burgess. Lighting candles.

you know me and candles

I do.

anyway i see this little kid getting waaaaaaay too close

Probably Margot, blowing them out.

and so basically i saved her life

By screeching and leaping onto her face.

hero is as hero does rick

And what's this about the table getting knocked over

ok that was that weird dog

thats what im talking about man

i save this girl and she starts screaming

probably because it just hit her how close she just came to dying

and the dog freeeeeeaaaks out

plows straight through the table

And that's when the fire started?

i was on my way out at the time

didnt want to overstay my welcome

Of course.

politeness is key

but yes i heard people yelling fire as i was leaving

and frankly im not surprised

they had that crinkly paper ribbon everywhere

not only a fire hazard but terribly tacky

also another thing about that dog

it licks itself constantly

its disgusting

makes a gross noise

like a cow with a hair on its tongue

or a plunger in a toilet full of peanut butter

or you eating noodles

Okay Lou, I get it.

3:44 PM

so all of this has me thinking

what are you planning for my birthday party

I am locking you in a very small cage.

Possibly forever.

RickDickens77 has gone offline

i was thinking clown

14: Happy Birthday, Margot Burgess

12:46 PM

rick

What's up

hi rick

haaaaaaaappy caturday

lol get it

No.

ok well see its like saturday

but instead of sat

I was kidding, I get it.

pretty funny right

i made it up

i know a whole Internet's worth of people who might argue with that

which part

both.

rude

1:23 PM

rick

what

why are you at work today anyway

Remember what happened earlier this week?

go on

When you freaked out and I had to come home.

can you be more specific

The incident with the toilet.

refresh my memory

Lou. You flooded my bathroom. Do you seriously not remember this?

oh that

sure i remember that

what i dont remember is thanking you for rescuing sgt mcfuzzies

and mr beaniebutt

and happy carrot

and mrs beaniebutt

so thank you rick

though i cant seem to find any of them now

I'm sure they'll turn up. Anyway

To deal with the half-inch of water running down my hall

I had to make another trade with my boss to come in to work on the weekend.

really

you should work on your bargaining skills rick

or let me do it

i could have that guy asking you to go home

I don't doubt it.

so when will you be back

Hopefully in the next couple of hours.

2:49 PM

rick

Lou, what the hell just happened

rick you gotta see this man

there are police cars and fire trucks in the street

So I've heard, the neighbor just called

oh yeah which one

Funny enough, it was Mr. Burgess, from the house across the street

The one with all of the emergency vehicles in front of it

what a coincidence

so how is he anyway

we never hang out

nice guy

weird dog though

He's angry, Lou. I think you know why.

the sirens probably

very annoying

No, he seems pretty upset about his daughter's birthday party being ruined

oh no what happened

You know what happened! You were there!

no no i must have left before that

everything was pretty awesome when i was there

Not from what I heard.

hmmmm

no pretty sure it was great

rick they had a pony

a pony rick

and a petting zoo

rick they had a magician

super cool rick

Sounds terrific.

oh and cake of course

Let's start with that pony.

dont hire that pony

cute but very jumpy

he went nuts and busted through their fence

So I heard.

Do you think maybe the pony only became jumpy when you attacked it?

first of all im not interested in philosophical dead ends

second

attack is an unfair word

i was grooming him

its a thing

Apparently you were hanging upside down from his neck

right

This is grooming?

if you do it right it is

i am nothing if not thorough

And the part after that?

very thorough

Moving on: is there anything you need to tell me about the petting zoo?

it was wonderful

adorable

And...?

thats all

Are you sure there wasn't an incident, perhaps involving a goat

hmmm no i dont remember a goat

or a sheep

I didn't ask you about the sheep yet.

well i dont remember one

And you don't remember opening the gate.

nope

And you don't remember chasing a goat and a sheep out of the pen and into the Burgess house.

seems like id remember that

And you don't remember herding them around the kitchen on a terrified rampage that ended with them both diseappearing through the front door covered in a variety of beverages and dips.

if i did remember that

which i do not

i have to think the screaming people had more to do with that

and herding would be the wrong word

at the time i was playing just dance on the xbox with the kids

You can't just go hang out in other peoples' houses, Lou

i was made for loooovin lou baaaby

lou was made for loooovin meeeee

So whatever happened after they got into the house is somehow not your fault.

were talking about pretty dumb animals here rick

I'll say.

i dont think i like your tone

Next item on the agenda

It sounds like maybe we owe a magician and the parents of fifteen children an apology as well.

for what

There was something about a rabbit?

i dont see what that has to do with me

I don't know, all anyone saw was you leaping out of a hat

followed by the magician cursing like a sailor in three different languages, packing up his things, and storming out

woah woah woah

i did that man a favor

and in fact i think we all learned a powerful lesson about whether bunnies should have chickens as pets

Wait, what?

im just saying that guy isnt blameless here

just think how his bunny felt

or the chicken i guess

yeah

mostly the chicken

I don't understand.

maybe dont get into it

Right. Moving on to the cake.

ok hold up

i know what youre thinking and the fire trucks werent because of me

Why don't you explain to me what happened then.

so this bald guy set the cake on fire right

Probably Mr. Burgess. Lighting candles.

you know me and candles

I do.

anyway i see this little kid getting waaaaaaay too close

Probably Margot, blowing them out.

and so basically i saved her life

By screeching and leaping onto her face.

hero is as hero does rick

And what's this about the table getting knocked over

ok that was that weird dog

thats what im talking about man

i save this girl and she starts screaming

probably because it just hit her how close she just came to dying

and the dog freeeeeeaaaks out

plows straight through the table

And that's when the fire started?

i was on my way out at the time

didnt want to overstay my welcome

Of course.

politeness is key

but yes i heard people yelling fire as i was leaving

and frankly im not surprised

they had that crinkly paper ribbon everywhere

not only a fire hazard but terribly tacky

also another thing about that dog

it licks itself constantly

its disgusting

makes a gross noise

like a cow with a hair on its tongue

or a plunger in a toilet full of peanut butter

or you eating noodles

Okay Lou, I get it.

3:44 PM

so all of this has me thinking

what are you planning for my birthday party

I am locking you in a very small cage.

Possibly forever.

RickDickens77 has gone offline

i was thinking clown