The story of a man who taught his cat to use instant messaging.
15: To Belittle and to Be Little
9:04 AM
rick
rick
Yup
rick you gotta come home
Lou, this is like the fifth day in a row you've said that.
was i ever wrong
Proceed.
you gotta see what rufus is doing
I don't know any Rufus.
sure you do
orange and white cat
lives with the molester
Molester?
ugh do i have to explain everything
the guy who has little kids going in and out of his house every day
I think you mean Dave
He's a piano teacher
is that what they call it now
Those kids' parents go in there with them, you know.
i know thats what makes it so horrifying
Ok well he's not a molester, but go on
What is Rufus doing
hes been running in circles around his house for like two hours
lol he tripped
So why is he doing this
he does this after he poops
just usually not for this long
Two hours? Really?
yeah like since right after you left
That was half an hour ago
so what is that like three hours
…it's half an hour.
ok well you and your nerd friends figure out the math or semantics or whatever and let me know when youre ready to see something amazing
I will.
anyway my point is rufus is dumb
Don't be mean.
what
That's not a nice thing to say
is it still not nice if its true
Well, sort of, I mean... it's unnecessary.
You can't just go around calling people ugly or fat either.
oh rick
did someone call you ugly
im sorry
No.
huh
how about fat
No.
are you sure
Nobody called me fat.
are you suuuuuure
Yes!
huh
Why would someone call me fat?
no reason
Are YOU calling me fat?
im not here to judge
I've been really busy!
i know that rick
I had that thing with my ankle and I couldn't exercise!
we all know
it's hard to eat right when- wait a second, who's "we"
nobody
Who are you talking about Lou
well i mean
you know
the cats
and the neighbor kids
and the adults obviously because kids and their big mouths am i right
grandma
bodega ray
and you know theres me of course
but i wouldnt say youve gotten fat
Thank you
tubby maybe
Oh. Nice.
soft
stout
plump
Got it
portly
pudgy
hey
beefy maybe
Louis
rotund
10:55 AM
fat
11:30 AM
rick
im starving
my bowl has like zero food in it
It's not my fault you inhaled it all before 8AM.
but i mean its like totally empty rick
its never totally empty
Well, your doctor thinks I'm not the only one in our household who could stand to lose a few.
my doctor
Yes.
youre talking about murray
Dr. Plotkin.
murray is an idiot rick
He happens to be a fine doctor.
And he says you're overweight
he also says coinkydink
and anyhoo
If we're not careful you could get feline diabetes
youre just saying words rick
Lou, this is actually kind of serious. You're ok for now, but we need to keep your weight under control.
rick this is you
bap bap bap doctor bap bap diabetes bap bap bap fascism is good bap bap
thats you rick
i want a second opinion
You're dieting Lou. Just deal for a few weeks.
i think youre punishing me because youre mad about being so fat
Don't be hurtful and say things you don't mean.
12:01 PM
rick
rick
rick
what.
im sorry
forget about it.
done
can i have a snack
RickDickens77 has gone offline