The story of a man who taught his cat to use instant messaging.
12: The Bad Cats
1:24 PM
rick
rick
rick
What's up
im in bad shape here rick
What did you do now
it wasnt my fault
i got in a fight
A fight?? What happened?
it was the bad cats
Oh my god Lou, are you ok?
How bad is it?
im not good
ill probably live
but im not good
i need you home
Wow, Lou, I'm so sorry
I'll be home as soon as I can, ok?
please hurry rick
1:49 PM
Lou, I'm still working on getting out of here
rick you gotta get home man
things are getting bad here
I know, I'm trying
My boss is driving me crazy
is it because hes black
...What?
is your boss driving you crazy because hes black
No. That's not why.
My boss isn't even black.
is it because hes siamese
No. Siamese? No. My boss is white, like me, not that it matters.
is it because hes a woman
No, my boss isn't- OK what is this about
ive just heard some things rick
some terrible things
Right. From who.
the bad cats
The bad cats. The bad cats were talking about me.
thats right
why do you think i got in a fight
You got in a fight because of me?
i got in a fight defending your honor rick
What on earth were they saying?
some things i dont even want you to have to hear
Try me.
are you sure
Out with it.
they say youre racist rick
Well, that's crazy.
is it
is it rick
Why, do you agree?
well
is it or is it not true that you targeted the two black cats down the street for tearing up our doormat
They were the ones doing it!
sounds like profiling to me
There were chunks of it in their back yard!
circumstantial evidence
Wait, this is ridiculous.
Those cats are troublemakers.
those cats
listen to yourself
I don't hold an opinion about black cats, the ones who did that just happen to be black.
so you expect us to believe you didnt look to them first
because of their color
All cats are the same!
rick
wow
i dont even know what to say
just wow
You know what I mean.
sure i know
we cats are all the same
lazy
untrustworthy
good at basketball
ive heard them all rick
Stop it.
anyway thats not all they say about you
I can't wait.
now i dont think this is true
theyre probably just making this up
but these guys say youre a cat smuggler
A what.
a cat smuggler
I don't think there is any such thing.
youd be surprised
happens all the time
It does?
oh rick you would not believe
I bet I wouldn't. Anyway, why would they think that about me?
apparently
and trust me they would never hear this from me
but theres this rumor that a few years ago you took a cat from old mrs wembley
Oh really.
just saying what i heard
That's a pretty bold accusation.
the true ones often are
Well that one does happen to be true.
rick
rick no
how could you even
IT WAS YOU LOU.
you stole me oh my god
NO, SHE GAVE YOU TO ME.
She had like ten cats, and she was getting too old to take care of them, so she was giving them away.
oh that mrs wembley
Yeah. That Mrs. Wembley. I had permission to take you.
ok well lets say for a second that i buy that
and im not saying these guys will
but even if i believe you about that much
they also say
and again this is just what im hearing on the streets
they say theres a lady who left here smelling like cat pee
Oh, for God's sake.
hey thats just the word out there
I bet if you think REAL HARD, you can figure out what that one's about.
yeah ok i might remember something about that
still
you have to admit it looks suspicious
I have to do nothing of the sort.
Now listen, I need to get back to work so I can get home and help you out.
theres one more thing rick
Alright, go. Quickly.
you drive a ford festiva
the whole neighborhood thinks you drive a festiva
I do drive a Festiva. It's a good American car.
oh god i cant even
i just barfed
rick why
It's a car, what's the big deal
oh my god i cant even stop barfing
rick who are you
im trying to defend you rick
im putting my reputation on the line out there
taking back things i said about you
but youre not giving me much to work with
Ok, ok, enough
Who are these "bad cats" anyway
oh the persians
awful breed
slippery
evil
godless
hate shorthairs
You have got to be kidding me.
i wish i were rick
the world is a troubled place
2:25 PM
Alright look
I offered to work the weekend to get out of here early today
So I'm on my way. Hang in there pal.
Thanks for sticking up for me, sorry you got hurt.
RickDickens77 has gone offline
no no i won that fight its just the tv wont turn on