The story of a man who taught his cat to use instant messaging.
11: Cool Hand Lou
10:04 AM
Lou?
11:13 AM
Louis
12:02 PM
oh hey
What's up?
just got up
Wow. Guess the extra exercise is wearing you out!
yeah look man i think we need to talk about that
the whole exercise thing is fine
we both know i could use it
but uh
What's the problem, I thought you liked your gift
no no i do
i mean i appreciate it
its just
you know
i dont know if i even want to talk about it
I think you might have to, I'm not following.
the thing is
im not proud of the way i act when you bring that thing out
Are we even talking about the same thing?
i dont feel in control
thats not me
I feel like maybe you're blowing it out of proportion a little
thats a side of me i never wanted you to see
It's a laser pointer, Lou.
see now i feel like im gonna be sick
theres a darkness inside of me
Ok, Batman.
im a monster rick
1:14 PM
Oh hey Lou, speaking of gifts-
I was thanking Mom for Christmas stuff and I mentioned the Slim Jims
She didn't know what I was talking about.
yeah no
i got those
Ok, wow
Thanks! But, uh
dont mention it
Well how did you get them?
same way you get them dummy
But I get them at the convenience store.
right thats what bodega ray said
he said theyre your favorite
Hold up.
Bodega Ray brought them to our house?
How did he know where we live?
no no he sent them home with me
Wait how do you even know who Bodega Ray is?
I'm lost.
ok see if you can keep up
he said take these to rick
and he put them in a bag
and i brought them home
You brought them home. From the store.
hey look that college degree was worth something after all
What in the hell were you doing at the store
What were you doing OUT?
i go out all the time
What?! You're an indoor cat!
man have we met
How do you get out?
im getting the feeling i shouldnt tell you that
How long have you been getting out?
whats today
Tuesday.
lets see then
carry the one
four years maybe
Ok back up, I don't trust your sense of time.
When's the first time you got out?
remember that time when the cleaning lady freaked out and quit
Do I remember ending up in court?
Do I remember paying a settlement?
Do I remember being blacklisted by the housekeeping community?
Yes, Lou. I remember.
ok it was like the day after that
That was the first week I had you.
sounds right
I don't even know what to say
id say like ok or cool or way to go or something
But it's not ok or cool, Lou
You're supposed to be an indoor cat
I need you to tell me how you've been getting out.
you keep saying im an indoor cat
maybe youre just wrong
How are you getting out Lou
why would i tell you that now
Because I'm trying to keep you safe.
from what
From disease, from raccoons, from cars...
disease huh
so you made me get shots just so i could stay inside
nice rick
That's not the point.
raccoons are stupid and slow dont worry about them
and i look both ways
be alert accidents hurt
chance takers are accident makers
give a hoot dont pollute
all that stuff
I don't like it.
I'm going to have to find where you're getting out and fix it.
rick
dont be like this
youre wasting your time rick
We'll see.
i gotta jet
twister party at pumpkins house
You better hope you're inside when I figure it out
shaking in my boots rick
enjoy your slim jims
LouisTheCat has gone offline